It’s Personal

If you follow us on Facebook, you’ll know I don’t like to get personal on my professional page, actually, I don’t get personal on my own page or in real life because I feel uncomfortable talking about my feelings – I hate the “tell me how you feel” stuff because “I feel” that I need to punch your face, but sometimes there is so much emotion involved in something that you need to get personal or you’ll explode.

It has taken me over 24 hours to write this. I have deleted it and started it so many times I lost count. I have re-read it so many times and thought: “I’m sharing too much” but I think I need to do this and so, I write this with a heavy heart.

There are lessons to be learnt in all situations in life, no matter how big or small. Yesterday I farewelled a great friend’s Father. His death was expected, but even though you prepare you are never ready to say goodbye. You can imagine all the ways it may end, but when the time comes, it is nothing like you imagined, nothing like you thought you had prepared for, nothing can prepare you for the rollercoaster of emotions you just landed on. Your head and your heart work together and they work against each other. You feel sad. You feel happy. You laugh. You cry. You feel empowered. You feel weak. You feel lost, confused, alone…you feel alone yet there are so many people around you, so many people offering support. You still feel alone.

Your parents are there to guide you, help you, fight with you, love you, teach you, and do everything they can to provide the best, for YOU. That moment they are taken away, it all comes and hits you at once. Not only have you lost a great love but you now need to figure out a lot more on your own than with the safety net you had. You see the life drain from them in their final moments in this world but your brain is overpowering your heart thinking that they’ll come back, it was all just a cruel joke…but then the strength of your heart kicks in and overpowers your brain, slowly. As your brain backs down and reality sets in you start thinking of the future. He won’t be there for your Wedding, he won’t be there for your first born or your last born, or their Birthday’s or any more of your Birthday’s and just the thought of these things alone is enough to send a lingering, crushing pain right to your chest.

Staring at a ‘shell’ that was once filled with life is one of the most confusing things I have ever experienced, it looked like my Dad but it was not my Dad, it was a reminder of what WAS before that image is sealed forever. It taught me to appreciate those around me more than I had in the past. It gave me the push I needed to do what I wanted to do and not what I thought I needed to do to make everyone else happy. 

Death is inescapable. It is the part of life that comes unannounced to remind those who are left to appreciate what you have. Death can take you anytime, anywhere – it doesn’t care if you’re rich or poor, happy or sad, famous or not. Make sure it takes you from a life that you are happy to leave behind. Don’t be so quick to get mad (I say to myself more than you), don’t be so quick to judge but be quick to forgive. Make patience and understanding a compulsory part of your day. Not everyone is as lucky as some of us who expected the death of a loved one and had the chance to prepare. Happiness is a choice, it is also the most powerful and most weakest emotion – try to choose it more often than you have.

My Dad always said: “mai un male senza un bene” – “Never a bad without a good”. I smile at this quote more than normal now because I started baking when I was 11 for fun. When I was 23 my Dad was suddenly in and out of hospital, I took time off Uni to help look after him and to fill my time I baked everything and anything and then I started to decorate. A day before my 24th Birthday I was told my Dad had a large tumour in his large intestine and had three months to live. Three months later, he was gone – The bad. Two months later, Miss Piggy’s Cakes was officially registered – The Good.

08292012

Parents don’t have to be the people that gave you life, sometimes parents can be anyone that has acted as a Mother or Father to you. They are wise people. Love them, learn from them and appreciate them while you still can.

 

4 Comments

  1. 4 December, 2013 at 8:42 am ·

    I am so very sorry for your loss and deeply touched by your words. Everything you have said is so very true and although it has been 3 years since my mother passed I still feel much as I did the night she left although I have learned to function again. I had my children and husband to support me but it was not enough. God absolutely put cakes in my path nearly a year to the day of her death when it hit me that I one day would be in my mothers place at the end of my life and what regrets would I have if I never followed a dream. He gave me a focus that has been more healing than even my children and husband. We can’t heal from the outside it has to come from within and anyone who has ever crafted a cake to bring joy to another persons life knows that yes they all come from within and that is the part that had been shut down by her loss. I won’t tell you that time will heal your broken heart but I can tell you that giving of yourself to others, expressing yourself through the art of cake, staying in contact with that part of yourself, will keep it alive and eventually you will stop feeling only pain and you will begin again to feel joy again. All my prayers for you and your family.

    Kristen

    • 5 December, 2013 at 11:24 am ·

      Dearest Kristen,

      I have followed your amazing cake path for a while and never knew that your Mother was secretly the inspiration behind such creativity. Your words are absolute truth! There are some things in this world that people and a band-aid cannot heal, those are the hardest wounds and the scars can last a lifetime but finding something that brings the joy back in your life is very powerful. Sometimes we need to be reminded of these things on our bad days. I hope the memories of your Mother continue to inspire you and make you smile. Thank you for sharing your story with me and the kind words.

      xoxo

      Zeena

  2. 4 December, 2013 at 1:28 pm ·

    Firstly heartfelt hugs and warm fuzzies to you my dear.
    I love what you have written, I love the fact you have opened up to the universe and I think your a very very special Lady xxx
    As you know I lost my mother some time ago. Her illness and death had a profound effect on me and my family. Shunted overnight from being an at home mum with new born baby, working musician hubby into a life of chaos running a cafe that was 7 days and many hours per day, while mum slowly lost her battle with terminal cancer at the age of 54. Mum was still full of hopes and dreams and we have spent 13 years now trying our best to make these happen. This was the beginning of the company and life we have now. I am thank ful for it. But wish we could have walked hand in hand with mum to achieve it rather than after she went. I am also conscious that I cannot live all my life fulfilling my mothers dreams and at some point … one day….I need to move on to fulfill my own. But that time has not come yet.
    Our loved ones are with us, in our hearts and in our hands too. They help us create and often I believe put there arm around us and guide us from above. They were never perfect, but the values they have instilled in us will help us through and hopefully pass on to our children. A man said something to me the other day… and I truly believe that it applies to you and your dad too. He Said “You cannot Fail! You have a guardian angel.”
    Much love my friend and I love that you have written this. My heartfelt condolences to your friend, to you and all those affected.
    Lisa Templeton from Denheath xoxox

    • 5 December, 2013 at 11:33 am ·

      My Dearest Amazing Lisa,

      You always know just how to make me all teary-eyed!! Your Mother was so young. You should be extremely proud of what you have achieved in your circumstances, I am sure she would be more than proud if she were still here today but I am a true believer of everything happening for a reason. Many years from now you may look back on it all and wonder if you would have been where you are without the previous events, I can certainly say that I would NEVER have been making cakes if it weren’t for my events. Thank you for your kind words and the reminder of our guardian angels.

      Lots of love to you and your family xx
      Zee.

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